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The plastic bags. by ~jingy-cold-summer:iconjingy-cold-summer:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Satire > Open


The plastic bags
Like strange wild birds
Flock around the city
Flapping
Down the street
Picking
At the garbage

And over there
One sits
In a tree
Or should I say trapped?
It struggles
Frantically to get free

One hops
Across the railway tracks
Picking among the cigarette butts
Too fat and lazy to move
It’s shredded
Killed by the rattling wheels

The plastic bags
Like strange wild birds
Flock around the city
Every year
They multiply
It’s too late now
For pesticide
©2007-2009 ~jingy-cold-summer
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Submitted: November 10, 2007
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Author's Comments

NB: it has some indenting but some how that didn't turn out, oh well.

Originally a chunk of prose but I decided to try submitting it as abstract poetry. Feedback would be nice.

Inspired by the little plastic bag that got caught under the train; and it's friend - the one caught in a tree. I was coming home from school and i had my writing book with me so i detoured to the park sat on the swing and wrote this down.

I encourage you to tell me about your own interpretation of this poem, but if you are curious to hear about what i came up with here is my analysis: [link]
thanks to ~TheWaywardProject for really making me think about what i had written.
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Comments


~theladymacbeth:icontheladymacbeth: Nov 10, 2007, 6:23:10 AM
oo miss i don't like poetry
i'm confused because you're not very consistent with your capitalisation
it's also confusing here:

The train rushes by
Too fat and lazy
to move
it's shredded
killed by the rattling wheels

because it sounds like this applies to the train, leaving me with the confusing mental image of a train being shredded by a plastic bag with rattling wheels. hmm.
but i like the way it repeats at the end
~iamnotinsane:iconiamnotinsane: Nov 10, 2007, 6:56:16 PM
tha's really cool!! ~favs~

you should write more, damn it!! ~favs~

--
I'm barely ever online. hooray!

My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions." --George W. Bush
~iamnotinsane:iconiamnotinsane: Nov 10, 2007, 6:56:55 PM
wait, I said that twice. oops.

--
I'm barely ever online. hooray!

My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions." --George W. Bush
~jingy-cold-summer:iconjingy-cold-summer: Nov 10, 2007, 8:02:58 PM
yeah, i admit that bit was iffy. but it wouldn't have turned out any other way.

hm yeah, it was originally indented so the lack of capitals didn't seem so awkward. but for some reason the indentation didn't show up.

thanks for the feed back.

--
-Jingy-
~BertBlack:iconBertBlack: Nov 11, 2007, 8:29:09 AM
This really caught my attention, perhaps because of the humour in it, but also the sense of melancholy - i'd never have thought i could feel empathy for a plastic bag :P

Really cool idea - and i like how organic the process of writing was - nothing quite like a writing session on a swing eh?

I think this works very well as a poem - other than the problems with the capitals (which i cant really talk about as i am Queen of misuse of capitals) i think this is a really great piece of work!

Thanks for sharing :)

BB
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=ryu-son:iconryu-son: Nov 11, 2007, 6:42:37 PM
I really like this, a nice abstract idea compared to what most poetry is about these days. I've always felt bad for the bags in trees. Thay were only trying to help when they got swept away and stuck!

Great job!

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
~jingy-cold-summer:iconjingy-cold-summer: Nov 12, 2007, 3:37:25 AM
thankyou so much for the kind comment. Definitely encouraging to someone like me that is usually quite scared of "poetry"

--
-Jingy-
~jingy-cold-summer:iconjingy-cold-summer: Nov 12, 2007, 3:40:04 AM
Yes writing ideas are hard to remember, so its good when i can write them down as soon as possible.

I've had a comment on capitals before. Do you think it would be better if I stuck to capitals at start of lines?

thankyou for the feed back, much appreciated.

--
-Jingy-
=ryu-son:iconryu-son: Nov 12, 2007, 5:31:08 AM
Aww~ Why are you scared of it? It works so beautifuly if you have the right words! And if you don't, no one will be mad! I love it! (But no one at school needs to know that I'm into it. Heh.)

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
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